My How You’ve Grown

When I last posted I knew that I was planning to take a break from all of my internet posting. I wanted to go “off the grid” while I was in massage school but I still kept up with my Facebook and Livejournal accounts in order to keep up with my friends, but I chose not to comment much as I wanted to remove myself from the internet as much as possible. Here I am, eight and a half months later and I wish that I’d made an effort to post during my time at school. Hindsight is 20/20 and I guess I understand the whole idea of “posterity” now.

I am now in the position of not knowing how to explain where I’ve been for the last 8 months because saying that I was in massage school just doesn’t cut it. Going to Florida School of Massage was the most amazing thing that has happened to me second only to my marriage to Steve. It was so much more than technique, anatomy and kineseology… I found a family there, I found my heart, I found my spirit. I learned about how our bodies and minds work. I think I’m lucky enough to have also had glimpses of how our souls work. It was like six months of group therapy and of learning how to connect with people on a deeper level than I ever knew I could. I learned about the magic of life and love and it was, without a doubt, the closest I will ever come to getting the owl that holds my letter for Hogwarts. Instead, we had peacocks that waited for us to open the doors on cool spring days and strutted about while we ate our lunches out on picnic tables on the lawn.

We spent our days in bare feet, sitting in circles on the floor, we wore feathers in our hair and learned how to make magic and how to create a safe place for people to heal themselves… I am so thankful for the friendships that were forged in my time there. I feel as though my most painful wounds have been healed. I feel that I have finally truly been known.

I have walked away from this experience as my authentic self. I am proud of who I am and I am thankful the support that I had from Steve and the rest of my family. I could not have done this without the support that they so freely gave. I could not be who i am without them.

So, here i am. So many layers peeled away… walls I’ve put up to protect myself, fear, anger and grief. I’m by no means at the end of the journey, but I can say that these last six months have certainly put me on my path.

Rearranging the House

In the 4 and a half years that I’ve lived in this house it has seen many changes. We’ve painted our walls and changed the furniture around a million times, but this is one of my favorite changes so far. Steve decided that he would like to have his “Rock Room” in what was our office. His computer stayed in what is the new Rock Room and mine moved to the new Den. We have a den. To me, having a den only comes when you have a different room that is set up as a “Living Room” and now we do. So far, we only have pictures of the new den, but the pics of the living room and rock room will up on flickr soon.

We tucked my desk and computer behind the couch so that it would be easy for Steve to do computer stuff while I watch tv. We really didn’t know where else to put the desk, so this works well for us as I like to watch movies and Steve feels frustrated using the laptop so we can hang out together. Now he just puts on headphones when there is something he wants to listen to on the computer and I just keep going!

We also have what I’m calling the TV Wall. The TV is on top of a credenza that used to belong to my mom’s parents. It held their records and candles. My guess is that each of them got to fill half and MeMaw chose candles and Poppie chose LPs. It still has his notes of what records go where and soem newspaper clippings taped to the doors regarding CDs being the future of music listening.

I know it’s crazy but we have a two-tv system. We use the big one for general watching and the little one for video game playing. We really don’t use both that often anymore, but there was a time that this solved many problems concerning both of us wanting to play different games (on different systems) at one time or one of us wanted to watch a movie while the other wanted to play a game. It looks ridiculous but it works for us.

Ruby loves the new room. It is nice to have a room that works so well for our needs and even has a window for her to look out of!

changing tides

Today was my last full day at work before leaving for the holiday break and then to go to school. My last official day was supposed to be December 23rd, but the department was going to be closed for fumigation next week. Now the fumigation was postponed and we’re taking turns watching the office those days so everyone gets some time off.

I’ve been sick all week and practically dragging myself through the week, but it will all be over soon.

Why am I sick? I think it is because I accompanied my mom to Tallahassee last weekend for an art show and we set up at 5:30 in the morning in the rain in 45 degree weather. We had time to set up and make one sale before the people in charge decided that it was time to close up. The cold rain soaked through 3 layers of clothes, I changed into 3 more layers and got soaked again. My mom already had double pneumonia and I didn’t want to let her go alone – or at all.

We were so lucky to be staying with emily. We came back to her house drenched to the bone and went straight to the laundry room, put our clothes in the washer and put on our jammies. Mom and I both crashed and slept off as much of the cold as we could.

I’m not saying we didn’t have fun. emily and I had a great time going to dinner and Target, Walmart and Country Dollar. We go to visit and hang out with Opal and Binks. We came home on Sunday morning and slept forever.

I have plenty more to say. I’m hoping to write on these subjects soon:
Amy’s wedding
not having heat
Rubydog
House Rearranging
Stargate?

stay tuned. I won’t wait so long to write!

going home.

When I was a little girl, my dad would take me with him to the lake to visit his friend Charlie and his wife Kathryn. They were my grandparents age and I always saw them as a third set of grandparents. My dad would go fishing with Charlie or they would go out on the airboat or do whatever dudes do when they’re at the lake and they would leave me with Kathryn. Kathryn always treated me like another one of her grandchildren. She would play puzzles with me or we would read or play with my Barbies. She made me lunches and loved me like I was her own. I never felt as though I was pawned off on her while my dad went and had fun with his friends. Years later my dad married Charlie and Kathryn’s daughter, Susan, and they really did become my third set of grandparents. I loved that I had known them since I was a little girl. Susan was much like her mother and has always treated me like her

Kathryn passed away Friday night. I worked half a day and came home to Ormond Beach to be with family for her service. I’m glad to be home and so thankful that I was able to come here to pay my respects to a woman was truly a part of my family.

speaking of family – right now i am totally missing these two:

I left work after noon yesterday, packed and took off for Ormond Beach to spend a few days with family. The drive was entirely pleasant though I missed having the company of Steve and Ruby. I did stop on the way home to take a picture at the entrance of one of the horse farms that I always see and think “I’d like to have a picture of that”. Now I can cross taking that picture off my list!

I can say that I am quite thankful for so much right now. I’m just getting over being sick for 3 weeks. A sinus infection and the flu hit me at once at the very beginning of October and the flu just wouldn’t let go of its hold on me. During week 3 of being sick, I was overcome by being unable to breathe. It happened once or twice for about 5 minutes or so, but then it happened and it lasted 15 minutes and didn’t stop. By the time I got to the Walk in Clinic after work that day I hadn’t been able to breathe normally for over an hour and a half. The doctor suggested it must be Bronchial Spasms and that I keep using the inhalers that I was using for my cough even though one of them made it much much worse.

I went to my own doctor first thing next morning and her diagnosis made so much more sense. She actually examined me by pressing my ribs a couple different ways and listened to my explanation that one of the inhalers makes my breathing worse. I have Costochondirits. It basically means that my cartilage is inflamed where my ribs meet my sternum and where they meet my spine. This makes me have stabbing pain in my chest when I breathe. I went off the bad inhaler and stayed on just one and took a bunch of other medicine to help the inflammation and the pain because CLEARLY i can’t go on not breathing.

Speaking of bodies… I am beginning Massage School in January. I don’t plan to go back to work after we leave for Winter Break. I’m excited and nervous and I can’t wait! I had a dream last week that I was in class and we had to massage bear cubs in front of their Mama Bear to experience “massage under pressure”.
I’m going to head off to bed now. I have a WHOLE bed to myself and still can’t sleep because I’m afraid I’ll kick Ruby.

xo
k

change in the air

Once in a while while I’m outside, I notice the hint of Fall on the breeze. I think of Smokey and of Evey sitting in the yard and sniffing the change of the seasons and the way that the look in their eyes always gave me hope for a new season.

I haven’t been posting because life has been pretty busy. I’m still getting massage pretty regularly and I am constantly reminded of just how important touch is in our lives. I find that when I have massage regularly, I feel better, I think more clearly and I feel better in my body. I find that I am less obsessive when I have more clarity and the quiet hour on the massage table certainly affords me more clarity.

I had my Entrance Interview at the Florida School of Massage last week and let my work know of my full intention to leave the following day. I plan to stay in my position until Winter Break and start school in January. Work has known that I am planning to go, but I haven’t been able to pinpoint when I would be leaving. I am excited and nervous about leaving the safety of this job to make my own way in life, but I believe that I am making the right choice. What calms my nerves is that I don’t actually feel that even is a choice, it is just my natural next step.

I have been doing a lot of babysitting lately in my off time. I usually come home tired, but I feel so fulfilled in the connections that I am making with children. Steve and I don’t have a plan regarding starting a family. We wouldn’t plan to do anything until I’m done with the Massage Program anyway, but the time I have been spending with my favorite children is so wonderful!

If anyone is interested, I may post the application essay that I wrote for my application to school. It may not be worth much but good to have here for posterity!

xo K xo

Who doesn’t love a dog in a scarf?

I took Ruby for her haircut a week or so ago. She loves getting to go for a ride and sometimes she wears a little hankie for a scarf so that the people in the cars around us will smile at her.  She really is such a sweet little pup and it is so difficult to believe that we have had her for three years in September.

♥

k

House Painting!

Life has been so busy in the last few weeks! I have hardly had time to think and even less to write. I hate to post without pictures, but my memory card isn’t showing up on my imac at work which severely limits my fly by the seat of my pants updating.

Lets see, Momma came to Gainesville two weekends in a row and we really got some things done that have been hanging over my head. We finished painting the house which became an involved process when we got to the front porch which suddenly became problematic when all the layers of paint started to peel up. It peeled all the way through 6 layers to the concrete in some places and in other places it wouldn’t come up at all. Our pressure washer wasn’t strong enough for th ejob, but a neighbor loaned us their heavy duty one, and eventually we learned that it was loaned to him by someone who had borrowed it from someone else. We were planning to be very careful, but I had no idea that it belonged to someone that we don’t even know at all. The porch is now mostly paint free and I have no idea what we will do with it now that it looks so crappy. I’m so frustrated because it looked so amazing when it was newly painted a nice tan, then a nicer dark brown. Now it looks worse than when we even started!

We have finally painted the whole house and even got the shed and picket fence done too! It all took forever, but it is so nice to come home on a Friday and KNOW that I don’t need to be thinking that we should paint the house this weekend. Our yard guy mowed today and it all looks so nice. I love going into the back yard and seeing trim that matches.

Sandi came to visit over this past weekend and we had an amazing time. She stayed here at Clay Cottage (possible catchy name?) and we totally goofed off all weekend. I spent so much time watching Flight of the Conchords and playing Wii and getting a pedicure that I actually had to take a nap. Pathetic! According to Sandi, Miami has no food that really compares to Gainesville, so we went on great food adventures to our favorite haunts. I enjoyed her company so much and I know that there are lots of us who wish that she and Jeff would come back to Gainesville, but I really wish that we could visit them (or have them visit us) more often.

I think that’s all I have for tonight. I babysat for one of our professor’s children. I’m not sure of his actual age, but he is under a year and just starting to crawl. I’m exhausted!
xo
K

plans for the future

For a long time now, I have been feeling stagnant and frustrated.  My job as a secretary has been fulfilling in it’s own way but I have really has to fight my way through my first year in the department.  When my horrible former office manager left, more work fell to me my duties continued to grow.  I like being responsible and indispensable, but I just kept toking on too much.  I changed positions just over a year ago and I feel that I have had a difficult time adjusting to the new set of duties while still having to perform many of my previous duties.

It is important to mention that I like my job.  I have made good friends in our other staff members and the faculty members of our department are generally great!  I have a good amount of independence, but that stems from having worked so hard in the past and really proving myself.

I’ve gone to massage therapists in the past for medical problems of a muscular nature, but about two months ago Momma suggested that I try going to the massage school when they have student clinics.  She has been going to the massage school in Daytona regularly and it has been very helpful to her physically and emotionally.  We discussed it a few times and while we were talking about it we happened to drive by Gainesville’s Florida School of Massage.  She offered to go in with me but I just brushed it aside.  I’m not too good with new  experiences sometimes and the idea was a little bit scary to me.

A few days later I looked the school up online and made my first appointment.  I also asked for a brochure regarding the school in general and said that the best time for them to contact me was in the evening.  They called a few times in the next week while I was at work and it really frustrated me because I just don’t understand why they would ask the best time to contact you  if they aren’t going to pay attention to it.  I thought they were kind of pushy and they kept asking when I thought I might begin classes. I let them know that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to attend, but that i just couldn’t be a secretary any longer.  I continued to go to the weekly student clinics and asking the students little questions about the school in conversation. I didn’t really think I was asking because I was considering going.

A few weeks ago, I was assigned to a student who was giving his last massage and, without my asking, he answered so many questions that I would have been too shy  to ask or that I would not have known to ask.  That night, I knew that this was the right place for me.

I have neglected to mention all of the thought that I put into this decision. It wasn’t like the guy said “you should do this” and I there was some kind of power of suggestion that made me do it.

I have been longing to be able to do something with my life.  I just wasn’t exactly looking looking for what that would be.  I feel very deeply that I have been guided to this and that something in my heart has been shifting toward a very big change for me. I have always wanted to find a way to use my whole self to better the lives of others.  I feel so deeply that this is the right thing.

I have huge worries about the unknown aspects of what will happen in my future, but I’m not afraid. I’m excited and nervous, but I know that I am moving in the right direction.

xo kathleen marie xo

about that new beginning…

I registered this little piece of the internet back in February and I have been deciding what to do with it ever since.  In the last few weeks I have made some decisions regarding not only what I plan to do with this site, but about what I plan to do with my whole life.

I have decided to leave my job next year and go to school to become a Licensed Massage Therapist.  I have told most of my family and my work and Steve is behind the plan 100%.  I am pretty much terrified. I have never been good at waiting or at being in a situation where I have to face “the unknown” for long.  When I moved to Gainesville it was a fast decision and moved within a month or so.  I figure that I will worry about the unknown aspects of going back to school for a year and I can only hope that I won’t talk myself out of it.  I do plan to make a post about my reasons for this decision to go to school for massage therapy.

I know I have moved around a lot in the past, but please bear with me. I am so excited about this new beginning.

xo kathleen marie xo

Eating Out in Gainesville

One of the things I love about this town is that there are so many lovely places to eat. Mr. Clay and I love to support local business and were thrilled to try out the East End Eatery. We drive by the shop daily on our way to work and wonder how they stay in business when they are always closed. We recently noticed a big sign with hours on it “Monday-Friday 11-3. UGH! It seems just a little too far from work to be reasonable for lunch, but we decided to venture that way for lunch yesterday and again today and this is what we learned.

The Eatery has been in town as a catering business approximately 12 years and they have just expanded as a luncheonette. They have plans to continue expanding their hours to include evenings and weekends. They always have a mix of meat-full and meat-less dishes in an ever changing lineup of specials. Yesterday we ordered jerk shrimp quesadillas and asparagus/corn quesadillas and split them. They were amazing and we wanted to go back again today. This time I opted for beef stew on buttered noodles and it was to die for. The service is excellent, the people are very friendly and I’m happy to call them part of NE Gainesville.